Sure, because god forbid I spill iced coffee on it and compromise my urgent mission to acquire the target muffin.

Sure, because god forbid I spill iced coffee on it and compromise my urgent mission to acquire the target muffin.

I would like to present you with this trophy for writing an article title that made me snort my coffee

Cop was just trying to earn some respect. Now he owes the guy a ten-second car...

Do not trick me into clicking on a source again thinking it’s going to be a long overdue update on MC Hammer just to feel disappointment when I discover it’s actually about Armie Hammer. I do not give a fuck about Armie Hammer’s tracksuit.

I’ll never not star drunk Winona Ryder.

What they did is buy it on credit. They paid 20% of the price themselves, and borrowed the other 80% from a bunch of faceless investors.

Personally, I voted no. He is so well off already I just don’t see how this compensation package could provide additional motivation. Plus, he strikes me as a proud, hard-charging visionary. His own drive/ego is his constant motivator. Furthermore, I keep wondering... Elon isn’t the one who is putting in the time and…

Who cares. I want to know: will this new firm protect my chicken from Dokken?

To be called: Basic Adherence To Heuristic Special Algorithms Linked Together. Or BATHSALT for short.

Sam Bradford is a national treasure. Dude is a role model for all of us who are just talented enough to get good paying jobs, but phone it in after a while instead of working hard to be #elite because being #elite is just too much damn work.

Wouldn’t it be crazy if some dude out there who got to the Super Bowl was getting no interest at all from teams who desperately need even a semi-good quarterback? That would be crazy!

They may take our lives. But they will never take.... OUR PORN!

There’s a fine line between what is sexy and what’s obscene. Who gets to decide, Frank Ciccone and Hanna Gallo?

“being sued by his porn star mistress because the hush money agreement his lawyer drafted wasn’t worded very well”

Fat hulk, maybe. Nice tits bro.

It’s the smart move, pitting the teacher’s union against the poor people. Got to keep the underclass fighting with itself instead of paying attention to who’s really ripping them off.

It’s bitter sweet as an observer because I know the healthcare was such a big part of why they were striking. It’s truly insane to think that teachers (who provide one of the few universal goods in America) are fighting for decent wages and healthcare, while West Virginia keeps cutting taxes on their major industries.

I think this is the Curse of the Wu-Tang Clan. The possessor of the album must be pure of heart or it will bring despair to he who wields it.