The cop told the friend about the knife and said he was getting it framed to put on his wall.

I’m 100% sure she did not get the joke.

Guys, THIS:

Thirded on the Cubs fanbase here. Can’t blame him for wanting to sign with a winner.

As a Cubs fan, WHEEEEEEEEE!

As a Cubs fan: Hahahahahaha. Thanks for Arrieta, too.

As someone who suffers from various allergies, I’ll try to be as diplomatic as possible here. That said...

Sure, but because this one is impressive in its requirements (and a joy to watch someone unlock), we’re gonna write about it!

“Survive the satanic hordes for at least 500 seconds.”

C’mon Maddie, I’m a big boy and can manage two contrary emotions at once. Creed was a shitty band. I wish Scott Stapp the best in dealing with his addiction and mental illness.

This story just makes me look forward to another round of Caity Weaver dragging Gawker on Twitter.

There’s that. It’s sort of like a Kraft “cheese food” slice getting all bummed out about having a bubble in it, when it’s sitting in the middle of these:

Exactly. She acts like she’s still in her late teens. She has no depth. AT all. Her music is cool. I don’t hate her (so back off Tay lovers). She just seems extremely immature for her age.

Nah, it’s a testament to their attitudes. Taylor ACTS like a teenager.

This is the first time Taylor Swift noticed she is not good at singing.

People will no doubt crap on Rousey for the babies comment, but I can absolutely sympathize with her on losing a fight in such a bad manner. Especially for someone who spent so much time on top, it must be hard coming down so hard (no pun intended.)

I’m with Bill Murray on this one. He wasn’t at a public event or anything. He should be able to enjoy his dinner without people snapping photos WITH THEIR FLASHES ON or at all. This is rude and treating people like objects is always fucked. Plus, they’re going to get plenty of money because of their shitty behavior so…

Personal fouls committed with team within 15 yards should be automatic touchdown. Problem solved.

Caity Weaver already figured out which movie Reese was talking about

whatever you think of Kevin Smith he comes off as a really great, genuinely loving dad.