No! You are!

Punishable only by diarrhea.

as I used to watch Spongebob almost daily as a kid.

Fuck you.

All the stars for you!!

Or maybe, just fucking maybe, there are some white males between 18 and 35 that are interested in a good story regardless of the age sex and ethnicity of its characters, you sexist asshole.

It's a shame that you legitimately needed that disclaimer at the beginning but unfortunately I think some people really do need hyperbole to be clearly labeled.

Holy shit, the resolution! It's like watching a home movie filmed on a flip phone. Get yo life, ABC.

OMG!! You are Marceline! Move aside Fahey, I’ve got a new fav. The recent episode, “chips and ice cream” caused my kids to think I’m legit crazy, I spent the whole time watching screaming at them that “That’s Kate Micucci and Riki Lindholme!! I swear it is!!” I spent the rest of the night looking for validation online…

You lack imagination.

So you want me to invent something that's bows out your houdmsibg? Ok I'll get right on it.

I call bullshit, speaking as a real life mushroom eating plumber. My whole career has been a preparation for the day I get sucked into a drain pipe and have to kick some turtle ass on the other side to save a princess.

Diana told Don in a previous episode that she had two daughters and that one had died. While the “girl is a ghost” theory is enticing, it’s much more plausible that the girl is the stepdaughter and that’s the reason she’s apparently being ignored by her stepmother.

Salmonella paranoia has convinced a lot of people that chicken needs to be cooked until it’s leathery, making it so I cannot eat most people’s chicken. And if I cook a juicy chicken breast in the oven or on the grill people are concerned that it’s still moist on the inside. Fucking thermometer people!! Fuck your dry…

Good song, fuck the haters.

Is that what passes as a "man" these days? Dude maybe, bro definitely, but probably not defined as a man by very many.

7 out of 10, would bang.

Oh for fucks sake bakeries, just write whatever the fuck people want on the cake, no one is going to think that you agree, add a tiny little disclaimer on the bottom of the cake, "the views expressed on this cake were requested by the customer and do not necessarily reflect the thoughts or opinions of this cake maker"…