I hope they never fix the way my car always arrives on fire when I call it.

Yep.

Rest assured he will find a way to make this disappointing.

If he’s been arrested for scamming dickheads who want to build a wall, I don’t even know how to feel about it.

Personally, I would LOVE if you guys picked a boring president this time.

I hate that I know exactly what this sounds like without even listening. 

I know. I just want to live in a world where he is screamed at on a regular basis.

Why don’t more people interrupt him all the damn time? 

Only as a last resort.

Well someone’s gotta tell him.

Ted Cruz looks pretty fuckin’ funny with a beard.

“No there there”?

Goddamn. Even for him, this is just weird. Weird President!

Hero

Not fast enough, unfortunately.

My gingerbread men proudly hang major dong and I will not be suppressed by these lefty Grinches. Thank god Trump finally saved Christmas.

Curious to know if there are any photos of Rudy where he doesn’t look like a goddamn lunatic. I have yet to find one.

Pence is a pod person and nothing will convince me otherwise.

Oh god I certainly hope so.