I don’t know if there could be a shittier set of ingredients for a relationship than age imbalance, power imbalance, uncertain sexual compatibility, vulnerability brought on by mental health diagnoses and an oppressive, reactionary, emotionally manipulative climate.

With the endless possibilities video game technology offers, “just dissimilar enough to avoid a lawsuit” is a squandered opportunity.

Telltales’ Guardians of the Galaxy game did a good job of creating a hybrid character design that mostly split the difference between the movie and most recent comic interpretation of the character. It also benefitted from a blockier, more cartoonish aesthetic.

Hahaha! This makes a lot more sense. I wasn’t going to say anything, because who am I to judge another person’s imagination, but it seemed like a weird choice.

Yeah, the main casting for that film was the exact one thing they did right. That and some of Roland’s bullet tricks.

Rooker is pretty ropey, which is how I pictured Jonas. And hasn’t Riff Raff gotten all beefy himself? Well, no matter. Now I’m just going to picture Jonas in a fuchsia cowboy hat with neon green trim.

Yeah, his work in 2049 had the same effect on me. That guy can bring some unexpected depth to his work.

When I first read the headline, I thought maybe he was cast as Cort, which he has the temperament for, if not the stature. He’ll do well as Jonas, fore sure. Bautista, another GotG alum would be a solid (so to speak) Cort.

I played the ever-loving shit out of Breath of the Wild, and this looks to be a moody and creepy continuation of what made that one so great. How awesome.

There will be Sephiroths to the value of pi.

Ironically, that’s the kind of joke that could get you a gig writing for SNL.

What would make a good X-Men movie? It’s a maybe ridiculous question to ask, given how the series dominated Marvel comics for well over a decade, but it’s tougher to visualize now that the series has been demoted.

As I was a teenager about the same time she was a teenager, you best believe I heard that story.

She’ll be going by her full name, Punklynn.

I thought the movie itself was great, but more than anything it felt so good being back. The characters, the language, the judicious and well-applied violence. I was just so happy to experience more of the place.

Despite its many very real, very substantial problems, The Dark Tower remains one of my favorite series because the one thing its consistently successful at is being so singularly weird. Two things King does exceptionally are allude to things bigger and scarier and more cosmic than the mind can comprehend and give the…

Way ahead of you, I’ve already stocked up on

It should have been anything. I don’t know how they could have chosen King’s most genre-saturated body of work and successfully avoided any and all of them to make a movie utterly devoid of flavor, style, or substance. Congratulations on dodging raindrops, guys.

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I have two children who I love more than anything and basically feel as though I’ve consigned them to a dying planet ruled by the worst representatives of humanity. It’s a miserable, unsolvable, existential crisis.