I initially read that as, “Whatever Happened to Johnny Fucking A Football?” Then I thought that it likely happens on Saturday nights after one too many vodka and cranberry.

I just want to be Cristiano Ronaldo’s dick for one weekend. Just one weekend. Shit like this puts keeps him in an untouchable stratosphere with Messi and Ibrahimovic (to a slightly lesser degree). The ladies of Madrid will be lining up outside the Bernabeu.

Between the shaky camera and lead changes, this was way more exciting than it had any business being.

On that point...the 90s did not suck. Let’s see...we had...uh...fuck. Well fuck you, Magary! THE 90s DIDN’T SUCK! LEAVE ME ALONE!

Love is a wonderful thing.

Damn, if the girl’s hair looked like this, I might understand. Nothing wrong with that girl’s braids. This though...

OOOH! OOOH! Come to New Hampshire! There’s a huge heroin problem and the infrastructure sucks, but it’s great for businesses!

PREACH!

Every word of this is irrefutable, undeniable truth. Peanut butter is the God food. I want to kiss whoever discovered that peanuts ground into a paste is something you can create. We are forever indebted.

C’mon man...Underwood didn’t sound bad at all. Very rare is the performer who can move around and belt out studio-quality sound.

John Oliver. You fucking rule.

As has already been stated, the curling action on that free kick is insane. How did the Earth not collapse into a black hole after Payet blatantly destroyed the laws of physics?

Am I the only one who isn’t mad at D’Angelo Russell? Young admitted to cheating on his fiancee and the video became public. Russell gets ostracized. I realize this comes off as being a white-knighted keyboard warrior, but damn, if Young hadn’t been messing around, this wouldn’t even be an issue. Yes, he’s a…

I can’t say that I blame him. Camp Yada Yada Yoda was going up just watching that video. I can only imagine what would happen if I were him during practice sessions. Good lawd...

I propose telekinesis. I can lift things, fly, stop bullets, jerk off without using my hands...what...uh...I meant...uh...nevermind.

That heel flick seriously launches this into Goal of the Decade territory. Dayum.

Oh man, do I miss Pop-Up Video on VH1...such an entertaining show. This song and video? I would watch again...

I’m not really a car person, but this series has been really entertaining and informative.

Mariah’s first album is fantastic. She may be a rich Hollywood diva now, but she could/can sing with the best of them.

Such a great album. My dad bought it for me (along with New Edition’s Heartbreak Hotel) for my birthday when I was about 10. I hated the album then, but I purchased it again a couple years ago. It’s replete with soul and emotion. So good.