This smacks of the sort of devilish thing a 3rd or 4th grade me would have written. And my precocious self would have printed and punctuated it just as neatly. I call legitimate!

Wow. Congratulations, Today Show, for being jerks to one of the nicest people in Hollywood.

What if she said no?

Yes. No matter what age, if you're a woman and unmarried, the questions NEVER STOP. "When are you getting married?" "Why are you still single?" "What's wrong with you?" "When will we see grandkids happen?"

"Boyfriends: No, I do not have a boyfriend right now, regardless of what my mom and may have told you." I hope you learn to proofread at RCC, dear.

ARROW!

It's like, I'm not dark or light, how do I properly hate myself based on my hue!?#teamnotparticularlydarkorlightsquin

And the year after that, the trend will be to go to a professional artist to get a good cover-up over shitty stick-n-pokes. 😈

Raise a glass to parents who just let you be who and what you wanted to be. It's a wonderful way to grow up.

Ahhh hahaha we did this to my mom too! Told her our Marine brother couldn't come home until after Christmas Day and then had him jump out of a box. She almost deafened my daughter (who she was holding) with her scream, lol. Good times had by all!

The first thing to know about your penis is, that despite the way it may see, it is not your penis. Ultimately, God created you and it is his penis. You are simply borrowing it for a while.

Jesus Fucking Christ. There's no way I can eloquently express just how awful this is.

This is what is irritating me- why couldn't they ask him how he feels about being paid more than a female co-star? That seems like a reasonable question, since they are such a big *news organization.*

I don't know what a "chunt" or a "div" is, but I assume these things translate to "poopy head."

The Today Show is a news organization? I thought it was tv drivel over a cup of coffee.

And still haven´t changed, not one bit.

See, I'm so sorry, but I wanted these elves, I'm such a HO HO HO indeed:

Yo Madonna, I'm really happy for you, and I'mma let you finish, but "Get Into the Groove" is the greatest Madonna club song of all time - OF ALL TIME!

"Unless you're over 50 or uninterested in hip hop, you have no excuse."