Rawlings should tell Jerry Jones that as long as Hardy remains on the roster, the Cowboys cannot play a single game in his city.

They need a players union so bad! I know these veterans are no longer useful, but reaping, threshing, and winnowing them should really be the last straw.

This is in contrast to joining the Angels, where you get three texts asking if you know where Josh Hamilton is.

Anything that trended on Twitter, lit up Facebook, or created national headlines?

Hasn't it already been made abundantly clear how much St. Louis hates chocolate sprinkles?

Last time I saw Jon Stewart kick anybody that hard in the dick, it was Tucker Carlson on Crossfire.

This is just one of many sick burns Azalea's been afflicted with as a result of having sex with Nick Young.

Boom, white balance. White and gold. End.

Yeah, think of all the other important, consequential stories we could have been posting at 10pm on a Thursday.

That black llama juking that dude out of his shoes could be on an And1 Mixtape

The placement of Perd is high, an assesment of his worth as a character that holds that he is better than 27 characters, but worse than 3.

Faarooq is the answer. I believe he was wearing an adult diaper.

The decision to vacate the wins was nearly two and a half years old, so it comes as no surprise that Penn State completely fucked it.

I feel really positive for all the Penn State alumni who will interpret this move as a validation of what they've claimed all along: That their hero was not the driver of a nefarious coverup, but was simply too much of a stupid pants-shitting old dullard to put the pieces together, realize what was going on, and take…

Samkon Gato

Robert Griffin the Turd

And, naturally, Roger Purrrdell has taken a weak-ass stance on the use of performance enhancing catnip in the game.

Manti Me'ow

Pussy Umenyiora?