“You guys... I know a baby seal tangled in a discarded fishing net encrusted in trash is super sad, but what if... it was a SHOE?”

Looks like roughly three-quarters of those accidents already happened. 

The opening sequence is Gravity, if any of that film’s characters were good at their jobs, basically. One way of looking at Ad Astra is as a space action movie where the protagonist is a consummate professional. Horrible things are thrown at him, and he perseveres with a minimum of fuss or histrionics. He is trained…

I’m not convinced he actually made it back to Earth. Currently leaning toward thinking he started getting seriously unhinged on the way to Neptune (which the movie tells us), confronting his father finally and completely breaks him, and the “happy ending” is his hallucinations tempered by the mood-stabilizing drugs…

Well, golly!

As someone equally frustrated, please, allow me to summarize it for you: A few lines of “article”, indicating that people on Twitter enjoy a cartoon duck. Two tweets consisting of hyperbole and drawings of said duck, then an ad. This is repeated 17 times. SEVENTEEN.

Was that before or after it lived in a sewer and ate children?

I literally bawled like a little girl at that scene. 

Also Chris Pratt, weirdly.

That’s an Ewok. George is the one in the middle. 

If a bear were made of sports and focused to a pinprick laser, it would be this mouse.

In London, population 8.1 million, 76 people were murdered via stabbing in 2018. https://www.theguardian.com/cities/ng-interactive/2019/jan/14/london-killings-2018-homicides-capital-highest-decade-murders

Y’know how your brain occasionally misinterprets the shape of a word before you’ve fully read it? I wasn’t sure what “ghost rappers” were, or how one would make a rake from them, but was excited to learn more. 

This cat is like a goddamn laser made of pure, focused sports. Thank you for making us aware of his existence. 

This is excellent nitpicking. If it ain't Joel, it ain't early. 

And Gamera is apparently the Senate majority leader. 

It's like he's begging for someone to step up and discipline him, but he burned all his bridges with Stormy, and nobody else will take the bullet. 

For some reason, I read this as a response to Whiggly’s ass-washing segment, not the villain one. 

Avocado oil is apparently slightly more caloric than olive oil. Since I just learned that, is it mandatory to go with the higher calorie oil? Trying to get a handle on the regs around “as many as possible.”

We had the same issue at local retail (carnivorous salespeople, chintzy aesthetics, ludicrous prices, tons of fiberboard and veneer). Can’t speak to Joybird, but we bought a pair of Article Echo sofas in Oxford Grey, and they’re awesome. Shockingly nice leather for the price, clean lines, and thus far (3 years)…