I hear he’s impersonating an EPA official these days. Hilarious, right?

Pfffft. I’ve heard you don’t even have a doctorate in glitterbombing.

... Well? You can’t leave us hanging like that, man!

Pound that sand long enough and hard enough, and you might get sedimentary rock!

Scott O’Dell - Island of the Blue Dolphins.

Jesus. I hate that woman so, so much. Like, what kind of gratification does she even get out of spewing this horrid nonsense day after day after day?

Don’t worry - He’s white.

In a perhaps even more apt comparison, it’s also the motto of 1980's cartoon villain Megatron, whose box had “Peace Through Tyranny” printed right on it.

Sesame Street has gotten way grittier than when I was a kid.

Do you WANT Jar-Jars? Because this is how you get Jar-Jars.

Oh, darn! I seem to have dropped this here... LADIES.

Vocabulary fun fact! That horrible, cringing embarrassment you’re feeling for and about the folks in that video right now? The German word for that is “fremdschämen”. 

Oh, fuck. Now my masturbation’s gonna be even weirder.

Let’s not forget “being investigated by”.

He’s not running FROM the bird. He’s running TOWARDS an unseen schoolbus that is both engulfed in flames and full of orphans and kittens.

Their marriage is doomed. If you can’t keep an avocado fresh for 20 minutes, think about the sex in 20 years.

Never. That’s kind of the whole POINT when you’re roleplaying Mr. Rogers.

I need you to know that I watched that entire thing. My soul hurts now.

You’re doing it wrong. That’s friggin’ gorgeous.