You talked to Randall Munroe before you posted this, right?

Um... no.

Have you ever been to a friend's house when they try to break out something other than Hellman's? That's when I excuse myself for the evening and proceed to block them from ever contacting me again. Even worse if they think I'm going to be okay with the Miracle Whip.

The best way to be on time is to be on time.

Be An Adult and Plan Ahead.

This is the only tip one needs. The rest are all derivatives or corollaries of it. 

I’m sure you’ll enjoy 25-year olds preaching to you when you’re twice their age, too. 

Hopefully people will be better this time!

You know SOMEONE will just steal the bowl instead. ;)

And while on the subject of legality: For any plant which has a patent, it is illegal to use a cutting to grow a new plant.

As a Jew I’d like to apologize for what we did... We could have done more to stop what happened, but we didn’t. In fact, some of us probably encouraged it, guided by personal gain and not the terrible impact our actions - or lack of action - would have on the history of mankind. It was not a proud moment in our…

i charged my nokia 3310 last time in 2002 still got 80% battery left.

those old dumb phones did have a huge battery life

I am perpetually tempted to trade up from my recently paid-off 2015 Tacoma to a new Tacoma with better tech, or a Tundra, or a used GX460... But every month I don’t make a payment, I decide to just wash it and shine the tires and admire how good it still looks and feel satisfied instead of getting rid of it. Maybe…

Loan? Was is das?

I’m going to make a movie just like Yesterday where a guy wakes up and suddenly nobody but him remembers Steely Dan, and it will be a documentary about my life.

Schrodinger’s puck. 

I keep saying that it’s not so much that a racist, sexist, fool like Trump is President, it’s that 60 million people were cool with making a racist, sexist, fool president. Even if he loses the next election and we start to move back towards some semblance of normalcy, those 60 million people will still be here.

Doesn’t anyone just smoke a bowl anymore? I mean, pack one up, hit it and pass it around? Does EVERYTHING have to be the Latest Greatest Technical Gee Gaw? I mean it’s WEED, a substance that makes anything harder than flipping the LP over on a turn table damn near impossible.

Yet again, reality is out of ideas so it’s just recycling dumb twitter jokes

Frankly I think it brings more to the table for non-Catholics. There is SO much symbolism, lore and pageantry to the Catholic faith that make it largely impenetrable to even Christians outside the denomination. The film having to rely on all of that as a framing device for everything that happens in the film, and…