And not just that halfway point:

Another option is to leave them up until Candlemas (Feb 2, which quite uncoincidentally is also Groundhog Day). This was the tradition in Tudor England.

Next thing you know, Bob Kraft will be calling on Trump to declare martial law and force the NFL to replay the season so the Patriots can make the playoffs.

How wonderful that I get a big ad for a local liquor store chain in the middle of this article.

Some of it’s just that “working from home” == “much easier to deal with a hangover in my pajamas at home.”

If that doesn’t work, go over to his house with an aluminum baseball bat and repeatedly hit him over the head with it until he promises to stop doing it. Jerk.

...it’s even more upsetting for plumbers.

This is the year to go all out celebrating the birth of Christ, damn it!

“I would talk to them about the importance of not just their health but those in the community, their friends, family, neighbors,” said Kuppalli, when asked what she would say to people in her own life who were hesitant about a vaccine.

Strike one of those wooden kitchen matches.  Try it.

If you have Find My device turned on on your iPhone you still need your iCloud password even if you reset it.

So is it basically a question of increasing your anaerobic threshold?

Hate to tell everybody, but the storm turned out to be a dud and there is zero chance of seeing anything in the middle latitudes.

“attorneys general”

Someday you will be elderly too. You might even require something like Viagra. I hope people make fun of you then as well.

There is a general overuse of parentheses in this article (in my opinion).

Not having to deal with the idiots-cum-jerks.

Almost sounds like it needs a “Rate This Translation” button. The author also needs tutorials in such areas as subject/verb agreement, proper use of dashes, and the proper construction of dependent clauses.

Hear, hear!

My kingdom for a copy editor.