My parents had a slightly different rewards system: Either get good grades or we’ll beat the shit out of you. It worked great.

Isn’t it kind of sad that we don’t have the freedom to not work where we don’t want to?

(slow clap)

Fun fact: One theory says we like eating crunchy foods because we evolved to eat insects with their crunchy, and protein-packed, bodies.

And here I thought “Mike Hunt” and “Dick Hertz” were adventurous. 

When (if) this is all over, I’m going to try to get Heywood Jablowme paged at my office.

Since we all need some levity today:

That’s not what poll watchers do. Stop it.

Why can’t I post a gif here any more?

Since we all need a little levity today: A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. He asks the bar keeper “How much” and the bar keeper replies “For you sir, no charge.”

You mean like the officers who have been recently caught on video doing all kinds of fuckery while fully aware of being filmed while doing it?

Not as bad as this guy....

It’s important to remember that in many places the police are no longer simply law enforcement agents - they are a full blown political special interest group. And special interest groups tend to ally with one side during political contests.

My election night plan:

My preferred election distractor:

Calling it “Taylor Ham” is humiliation enough in itself.

I’d rather be in the Supermax than walk around with one of these.

Cold-hearted orb that rules the night...

You haven’t even started.