This isn’t 1993, asshole.

He’s good at murdering, just not the “getting away with it” part.

Haven’t you been listening to Serial?

In retrospect, football was sort of a thing he fell ass-backwards into for a while despite being an irredeemable turd. The most interesting aspect of this case isn’t that a football player was just convicted of murder, but that a murderer actually managed to have a short pro football career.

Damn I wish you were my doctor! When I saw my old doctor for my annual a couple years ago she was all “I know last year you said you smoke marijuana occasionally, is that still the case?” I was all “No, we got a vaporizer, now I vaporize marijuana occasionally.” She was not as impressed with my healthy lifestyle…

It’s ironic you use footage from the fight where Weidman dribbled his head like a basketball.

You can actually pinpoint the second his heart rips in half!

I mean, I don’t have Leviticus right in front of me or anything, but I’m pretty sure this is in there as an actual abomination. “Thou shalt not remake Rocky Horror, for that is an abomination unto the Lord your God.”

I love Eddie, he can pull it off, but i hate if they would remake Rocky

If they’re gonna get Eddie Izzard, why not just do Tim Curry? For serious.

James Franco? You’re kidding, right? He’d be the worst for that role. Eddie Izzard, that’s who you’d want for this.

Old Fashioneds are Goddamned delicious. Rachel Maddow shows you how to make a great one. Here is her recipe:

I'd argue that "vomit of kings" makes this one a winner, but to each his/her own! :)

My 72yo mom makes up her own nonsensical abbreviations. Each text takes a solid three minutes to decipher. It’s even better when I’m driving and my poor phone tries to read them aloud.

“Excuse me, I’m sorry to bother you, but I just have to tell you: I love your voice.”

I imagine she doesn’t have a job. Because she isn’t real.

That does sound pretty awful! But, maybe not third degree burns? Blisters are second degree burns, third degree is all layers of the dermis and, well, is not painful because the nerves are No More. I wish I didn't know this.

Or Jesucristo...

so sorry about your blockbuster membership

My new husband and I stayed in a cute little cabin on the Olympic Peninsula and cooked for ourselves the whole week while exploring the rain forest and local beaches. The very last night, we decided to splurge on a nice dinner out. We got all dolled up and had a drink or two and had a lovely evening. Driving along the…