That’s a great thought, but I’d prefer the cats to be perfectly happy while peeing in these people’s shoes. Gleeful, even. And then act all sweet and cuddly in the morning until the shitstains put their shoes on, and save time for one insufferably smug look, before running off and dissappearing for the rest of the…

“They don’t understand how it makes women feel.”

Douchetankers are an environmental hazard. On occasion, they’re known to crash or overturn, spilling thousands of barrels of crude douche, which has a devestating effect on the local wildlife, and can take years to clean up.

That’s a high-end subclass of doucherocket, I believe.

Also related to the douchefountain, which also dispenses douche, but in a massive, spectacular display that can be almost beautiful at times.

I’d appreciate it if we, as a society, could create and enforce a rule where anyone who ever speaks or writes the phrase “various forms of grinding” is unqualified to be responsable for children, especially of high school age? Seriously, no matter what else is going on, as soon as your eyes land on that little turn of…

Keep defending their rights to do whatever they want with their tits. Don’t hate topless women in times square. There’s no valid reason to hate ‘them,’ there’s a good reason to hate one of them. One single asshole, among all the desnudas making their living showing off thier ladybits in times square- she’s a single…

Why we need any sort of analysis of the word “fuckboy” anyway is well beyond me. Who needs a whole thinkpeice in order to understand it? Hell, who even needs the UrbanDictionary entry? The meaning of the word is so very, very clear from both the word itself (you know, a portmanteu of two common english words with…

You think lesbian shit asses and pit-dwelling snakes have different ideas about interior decoration? What are you, some kinda weirdo?

Controversy equals profit for this kind of event. I’m sure they didn’t screen audience members for how shitty they were and only allow in the worst, but I’d be willing to bet that the entire event, end to end, was designed to encourage awful shitheels to attend. I haven’t read any of the advertising, but “for…

That doesn’t count, becuase anger is only an emotion when women do it. When a Man is angry, it’s not an emotion, it’s an expression of his primal man-power. When women do it, it’s a sobby, bitchy, emotion.

Because YOGA NERD IS AN AWFUL PERSON WHO STARTS EACH DAY BY MAKING HORRIBLE, MEAN FACES AT SEVERAL BABIES UNTIL THEY CRY.

Is it “Students who have opposite-gender friendships are likely to get lower grades,” or is it “students who get higher grades are less likely to have opposite-gender friendships (because they’re HUGE NERDS)?” Did the study try to answer that question? Is it possible to figure out what’s the cause and what’s the…

The Swedish do take their sandwiches pretty damn seriously...

I’m not sure I buy that. I think they’re fairly shrewd businesspeople who are well aware of what they’re doing. I mean, imagine if the whole family (or at least Michelle and Jimbob) were faking all of it, and trying to milk the controversy for every dollar it’s worth, knowing that every TV appearance is a paid one,…

Would someone with a telephoto lens and a rather sketchy idea of what ‘privacy’ means be able to make a decent living selling embarrasingly candid and/or staged-for-publicity pictures of the Duggar clan to TMZ? Then yes, there are at least a handful of people in Arkansas who could be (maybe generously) described as…

As long as we can still take our hurt feelings out on Missouri when you make fun of us, it’s alright by me.

That one ran right smack into Poe’s Law for me- I really thought for a second “wait, that has to be trolling. They’ve gotta be fucking with us, right?” But then I remembered my past experiences with Thought Catalog and went “Oh right, it’s a youtube comment section masquerading as journalism. And they’re entirely…

Yup. Either he was there to do harm, or he was the type to wander around in his day-to-day life with a backpack full of knives and a homemade bomb, which is.... not really a better option.

Agreed! Also, given my personal experiences with accidentally speaking above a low whisper in a library as a child, I’d imagine that screaming at a librarian is a great way to get the shushing so severe that you’ll never fully recover. I would not want to invite the wrath of of librarians upon me in such a way.