I worked a few summers at a boyscout camp when I was a teenager. We had a birthday song we’d sing in the dining hall any time any of the campers or staff had a birthday. It was sung to the tune of the Volga Boatman song, and had lyrics about ‘well all the other holidays are ruined, and the world is a cold and awful…

Oh my god I remember going there for a birthday once when I was a kid. That song was amazeballs!

Yep. This comes off a little bit like the queen saying “let them eat cake.” I’m not much for violence, but if a bloody revolution happens, it would be well deserved.

He’ll die knowing that he got caught and the entire world unequivocally hates him. The small handful of people who still support him are realizing, one by one, that he’s a monster and he always was. Soon there will be nobody left on his side. Hopefully even his wife quits drinking the coolaid and leaves his sorry ass.

It makes me sad that the court system apparently didn’t factor the years of abuse into her sentencing. A kid who was physically or sexually abused by their parent and kills them typically gets a lighter sentence. A kid who was emotionally abused? Nah, we don’t give a shit.

any amount of mayo = too much.

Starred because yes, it’s exactly like that. And it’s exactly that mind-blowingly stupid. What are people thinking when they do this shit? That the warning saying “1/6 of this cookie is one dose” is meant for everyone other than them? As far as I’m concerned, pot didn’t kill this kid. Stupidity did.

Oooh! And then, once they’ve all gotten comfortable with their special no-whore-pills insurance for a couple of years, we START PROVIDING BIRTH CONTROL TOO!

actually, it only takes a couple of tablespoons if you apply it correctly.

You also forgot the only human candidate remotely worth voting for:

Off topic, but the idea of Durex sponsoring high schools just is soooo, so delightful to me. Were there any durex logos on like, sports scoreboards or anything? WAS THERE A LITTLE DUREX LOGO IN THE CORNER OF YOUR DIPLOMA? GOD I HOPE SO.

I prefer to think it’s part of the white house fight club. They meet in one of the basement conference rooms every Thursday night. Everyone is welcome! Interns, the leaders of our country, the janatorial staff, lobbyists, and select members of the media, all beating the shit out of each other.

My wife was given a ‘husband voodoo doll.’ It’s a little, vaguely man-shaped, blue doll, with a dozen pins sticking in it, and has little sayings like “take the trash out,” “rub my feet,” “bring me flowers” and other such god-awful drivel printed all over it. Supposedly, you’re supposed to stab pins in whatever task…

Off topic, but are you some sort of programmer by chance? It’s uncommon to find somebody who writes their equality statements correctly around here.

Clearly a very polite and considerate bear, who ate all of the boring pies, and saved the fancy pies for me. The world needs more bears like this!

At this point, TLC might be better off realizing that they screwed up beyond repair, and folding.

Well that’s probably true- they never intended to be insensitive or insulting to women. Because the word “intent” implies some level of thought.

It is running Linux. Like all Android phones, seeing as android runs on a (modified) Linux kernel. Incidentally, the kernel version that most Android devices use (3.4) is codenamed “Saber-Toothed Squirrel,” because Linux kernel codenames are absolutely delightful.

Honestly, CPS should be investigating every single one of these douchefucks. “I don’t like the government mandating that I feed my kids. My child my choice! There’s real, scientific evidence that every single autistic child has been exposed to food prior to diagnosis, and there’s a big-food conspiracy to cover it up!…

I can’t help but wonder if this nut pusposely escaped in an excessively over-the-top way. He seems like the type to care a little too much about his reputation.