CNN is well aware that controversy gets them viewers and free publicity.

I'm gonna go with "because CNN". That's really all the explanation needed to why this talking skidmark is still getting airtime. This woman is a public figure for the same, stupid, horrible reason that Piers Morgan is a household name in the United states, and the same awful, soul-destroying reason that "Isis…

But we would all die high as fuck, and that counts for something!

I'm going to have "Shut up Eileen! God, you're making a scene" stuck in my head all damn day.

Whenever it involves 'the children' in any way, however remote.

The watermelon is what you tie the 3 yards of salt-encrusted surgical tubing around while you're waiting for the UPS dude to deliver the crate of live chickens. Duh!

On the plus side, all us youths like wearing ugly sweaters ironically. Bonus points if some adorable 29-year-old grandparent made it as a sincere gift.

This is the exact face I made. Exactly like that. Slo-mo and everything.

Avacados are not American. They come from, like, California or one of those other places full of weird, un-American pinko commies.

I always thought it was "Juarez."

I feel like it's a generally good rule of thumb: If your 'prank' is specifically banned by the Geneva convention, it's a bad idea and you shouldn't do it.

I'd have to go with the new 'pungent desperation' flavor.

What, like there's another kind of toaster?

Right. He made a typo, she made a joke, he tried to make a joke back, but his joke clearly fell on its face and embarrassed everyone involved. It's not harassment or even sexism, it's just a dude with a missing package (heh) who wasn't as funny as he thought he was.

But dealing with problems when they occur sounds like work! Think of how much easier it is to just deny that the problem exists in the first place, and make sure no evidence exists to prove you wrong!

Right! That court was setting a legal precedent (and a goddamn awesome one at that!) I'm glad they took their time, because it sounds like they did it right.

if it makes you feel better:

Huh. I'm pretty sure that the only way to end racial profiling by police in the US is to completely disband every single law enforcement agency in the entire country. The only way we could ever have no racial profiling by cops is if there were no goddamn cops. But I suppose I'm glad Mr. Holder is trying.

I've never given it much thought before, but it suddenly occurs to me that shower chairs are probably specifically designed to prevent this scenario from occuring.

I feel your pain...