Tom Hollander. He also wrote Rev.

She wouldn’t be a professor. In the UK, only the head of department gets that title. She’d be a visiting fellow.

Utopia, because basically it didn’t really bother:

How about this one:

Well let’s hope they replace him with a woman. The 13 men to 3 women ratio in the photo isn’t too great. Women! Don’t worry your pretty little minds with technology!

Why, the 100-ft long Nazi flag shop, of course.

No, you take Hollywhore and we’ll keep our National Treasures.

Ewwwwww. Pass the mind bleach. I see Hollywood on the job - leaning on one elbow, looking at himself in a wall-length mirror by the bed. Whilst a bit of desultory poking goes on from his micropeen. Because you just know he’s got one, with all that over-compensating elsewhere.

Well if we hadn’t been colonialist imperialist bastards you wouldn’t be what you are, US. So there’s that ...

Blimey. I never heard a scouse accent described as classy before ...

Well, Nadiya did get to bake a 90th birthday cake for queeny, if royalty-grovelling is your bag.

A pedant writes: it’s Jersey, one of the Channel Islands, not Jersey Islands. It’s the original Jersey, as in New Jersey, and home of Jersey cows.

Ria, it’s Edinburgh, not Edinburg. You should know this.

She works a lot with William Hague on UN policy on sexual violence in war. He’s a former UK Foreign Secretary. He’s a Tory baldie, not a looker, so ... I rather doubt it.

Conclusion: American people are weird about nipples. Come join us in the nippletopia of Europe!

Can’t work out if you are being serious or sarcastic. Tone is difficult to read in the written word. But just in case you are in any doubt of his social climbing enterprises, I leave you with this:

Girlfriend is totally a socialite. She can’t write, can’t cook ... and yet, mysteriously about six or seven years ago she got a gig writing for every issue of the glossy food monthly Food Illustrated / Waitrose Kitchen. I wonder why that was? Was it to do with her culinary skill or notable success in the world of…