Pretty sure you’re thinking of the ESPN magazine’s annual Body Issue.

Greta Gremlin was the first (and only) trans gremlin.

This week is a Dawes kinda week.

On lead single “Half Life,” Duchovny calls upon archaeology*, the sexiest of the sciences, to muse, “Unconditional love decays / Only fossilized hearts can break / Every piece is indivisible.” 

The Drop. It’s a Brooklyn accent, but some people, commies most likely, consider that an American accent. There’s also the horsey movie with Leonardo DiCaprio. 

I hate that this movie is a thing.

If your math is correct, and I think it is, well, that’s almost four decades!

I’m still holding out for a movie.

So again, what you’re actually saying is, “Oh God, save me from parents who don’t want their child’s brain to literally be pummeled into sludge and their non-cognitively impaired children!”

Cloverfield 4: Four Leaf Clover

You’re right, nothing could ever be as stupid as that. That, again for those reading along, is this:

I don’t really want to put my kids in situations where they are willingly smashing their developing brains around inside their skulls.

Wait, you mean you’ve never been engulfed in a cloud of thousand-degree volcanic ash and then come out unscathed? Amateur.

Equally stupid and invalid conclusion as this, yes?

I think we need to let go of the notion that the only way kids can learn about teamwork and mutual respect is by repeatedly concussing each other

If you throw a rock at a window, the window will break. That’s how the rock gets inside the building. It’s simple math, people.

Ever wanted to know what a Terminator crossed with a dinosaur sounds like, but were too afraid to ask?

Maybe they don’t know how to react for a lack of dick and fart jokes.

What’s that got to do with the price of tea in China?

I take it you don’t ever allow your kids to leave the house for fear of what might happen to them?