Did she have a choice? "I really didn't want to fly around the world, but fuck my parents....named me....you know what just start the fucking engine."

So, the fact that this happened a while back and KFC conducted an investigation to determine whether it was true, then found that it was, makes no difference to you?

So basically, you fucked up and are trying to cover it up by turning it into Madden-esque overkill analysis of something incredibly simple and straight-forward

Comedy is SO DIFFICULT, you guys.

Take a moment to ponder the terrifying dedication of dog people, who apparently sit all day on their local humane society's Facebook feed as well as constantly trawling the Craigslist pets category.

Putting this gross old lady on my screen instantly killed my boner forever.

In her defense, freshmen are pretty terrible.

So this means we can hang out at their crisis pregnancy centres with planned parenthood pamphlets and signs that say "This clinic offers no medical services or factual information"?

Here's the other reason I did a Foods That Should Not Exist: since this is the column that landed me this job, and a trip out of the nightmare that is the food industry, I thought it only fitting that my last full feature as a Recruit (other than next Monday's BCO) be a probably-overdue edition of Foods That Should…

"If, once per day, Barack Obama killed and ate three of my cousins, I'm not sure how long I'd be a registered democrat."

See, I really don't have any issue with parents who handle the situation like that at any restaurant up to really fancy places. For me, there's just a line, and places like Alinea are it — some things are adult spaces. There's nothing wrong with that.

Children are the new purse dog. The owner has to drag them to every single venue whether it's appropriate or not.

You should definitely try it. If you wear an apron, no one will notice your hard on.

Because even when women are idiots, they don't come up with concepts like "legitimate rape."

I don't even really like cats* and I would watch that miniseries (yes, gotta be a miniseries). Let's cast this!

Hey, dumbass: might want to check if I've taken the diametrically opposite viewpoint on a subject before you project some stupid shit.

Or they're massive Doctor Who fans and it's for River Song and Rose Tyler!

God, I am in total admiration of these women. Willing to spend time in a Friendly's. So brave.