Hillary wasn't calling out Texas. Besides, Texas does enough shit to legitimately be called out on.

If they made a version that was just cheese and crackers, I would probably bring it on planes.

Confession: I still eat Lunchables.

I maintain that Lunchables are just a low-rent cheese platter for the future wine snob in us all.

I only have myself to blame. I've started filing my teeth into points, because while I might have missed my opportunity to have a man, I can certainly have a decent snack.

If I married my college boyfriend, let me tell you, I would be in a very, very, very different place right now. Shockingly, I focused on school and my career during my 20s and somehow found a husband who would marry my withered uterus at the vile age of 29, after I've established a career that has afforded us many…

Jimmy Fallon is likable. He smiles, and I think that's okay. He doesn't need to deliver every line with a sneer. I never got that same feeling from Leno. Leno always seemed like a grumpy grandpa to me.

My two best friends and I went on vacation when I was at my heaviest — 220 pounds. They were a size six and a size 12 with healthy BMIs. The difference between us is that I lived in a city that required me to walk to get to public transportation. I didn't own a car. Those two didn't.

I've elected to pretend Slapsgiving 3 never happened. Marshall still has two outstanding slaps.

Making this an us vs them issue does absolutely nothing to help matters.

Yeah, but he only joins in after the Second Coming.

"And we only do 5% blackface!"

I was with family at a birthday party and my BIL said "You want to go to dinner afterward? We're going to Olive Garden" and I gave one of those unfortunate barking kind of laughs, assuming he was joking. But then I saw he wasn't. I went and just kind of pretended I was eating something else in my own head.

I'm looking forward to a calm and polite discussion about this. Articles about breastfeeding, birthing, and child-rearing bring out the best in everyone.

I don't have to defend New Jersey, everyone else is just jealous of our ideal location and varied habitats. Beauty abounds, but that's OK, it's just all nasty industry here! Oh, BTW, stay off our beaches. kthxbai

This is my face right now.

WHY U NO 'PRECIATE MY HYPERBOLE.

Apparently they are, and they actually look pretty awesome - not that different from the surf shirts you see in more northern parts of the west coast where the water is always cold.