Or we could build trains.

It would, in fact, be a lot faster and less expensive and more convenient.

Investing in infrastructure like new elevated tracks would cost a fortune

Perhaps by spending money on trains we might improve them.

Or we could just build trains. 

We will spend 100 trillion dollars on nonfunctional autonomous cars before we ever build out more normal, non-autonomous trains. Suggesting we build trains is up there with suggesting we possibly maybe end our War With Eurasia or such.

Yep. What’s more this is ALL such a huge fucking workaround to try DESPERATELY to avoid having to build trains. You want a very safe, very fast, very efficient ground transport method? Trains! But no, not trains. Never trains. Of course not trains. Trains are expensive and lose money, don’t you know?

I constantly hope we’ll get to the days when the human body just existing is desexualized.

Man, the joke about the comparative value of a share vs. a used game is just TOO lazy.

...or guns.

Word on the street, yo . . .

Someone want to reconcile the two things I am hearing out there:

I’m sorry but I can’t summon up the energy to be mad at these children. I’m past ‘diligent and patient’ already and edging into ‘petulant’ myself. I want them to Turn the World Back On. Not in 4 weeks or 4 months or fall 2021 (oh you didn’t hear? That’s the earliest possible date for vaccine availability), but, like…

Destroy All Humans, where you have a gun that literally probes people’s butts until their heads pop off.

I know it’s dangerous but I don’t care. I’d rather we all take our chances than keep living like this. I don’t care if a lot of people die. 

This is fine. Whatever it takes. No, seriously: Take your techno-libertarianism and shove it, Shoshana Wodinsky.

So, here’s how this is all going to go down: For about the next 2 weeks, we are all going to be very diligent, very conscientious, very tweet-y about how everyone needs to stay home, stay alone, be good, please, please be good, do the right thing.

I think this was one of the cases where It Was Expected that he’d go to college—dad was a lawyer or a businessguy or something, so OF COURSE Junior would go to the University of Delaware too!—but Junior’s heart wasn’t really in it. “I mostly liked hanging out with my buds and drinking PBR at the quarry. Can I somehow…

Mmm. Reminds me of a guy I met freshman year of college. He was a ‘hospitality studies’ major . . . because he wanted to be a bartender, he said. Many awkward conversations:

Worse than Flesh Gordon, or is that sci-fi, not superhero?