The fact that I have hundreds of hours of experience driving in the dirt, and actually do it for a living, only makes the wipeout a more shameful error.

The reason so much of sports revolves around arguing and hand-wringing is that sports is inherently unimportant, and it’s the job of sports personalities and media to make people forget this by getting fans into a lather.

Came here to sympathize, then realized it was an injury story.

On hot days, I also like to just pour a bowl of cheerios and milk down my butt crack.  Cereal is a soup!  Change my mind!

Wow hit so many nails on the head that I’m going to need to go back to therapy.

I used to say "That'll do, pig" on the tennis court. I let it slip during a mixed doubles match. My wife was my partner. I'm divorced.

this was so real that it made me uncomfortable and almost text my old therapist

Guess it depends what kind of soup.  The creamy varieties could get unpleasant.

that’s from the 70s, he’s trying to hit a single through the gap, he’s a purist.  Hulk ain’t no high trajectory Instagram slut 

Kids care a whole lot more about seeing you and talking to you than just hearing you. You should still only videochat in private.

this is too far down

Or you can be like me and eat Annie’s shells and cheese right out of the pot because you have no better ideas for dinner.

“Recently I have noticed a lot of people responding to text messages using the “Thumbs Up” emoji. Every time I receive this as a response to a text message it makes me furious.”

Re: FaceTime in public. Yeah, a locker room is right out. In fact, nobody should have their phones out, period, in the locker room. However, I go on work trips sometimes, and sometimes those involve social events, but I always like to talk to my kid before she goes to sleep if I’m traveling, which sometimes…

You millennials, always stuck on the latest new things.

Baltimore as a team feels like the Masters to me. They are usually on CBS. Jim Nance is talking. It’s a boring affair, while the announcers make comments about “the right way” and “leaders of men” throughout the broadcast. It’s usually on in the late afternoon on a Sunday, and it’s an effective background noise to…

If someone could just go ahead and put this in my veins, I’d appreciate it.

Dwight’s greatest contribution as a Laker might have been this gif:

I would have taken the Z 600 and the MG. The Maserati though would be a massive migraine.