That entire post sounds like a cry for help. That entire description just sounds worse and worse as it continues. You have Stockholm Syndrome. You need help.

I thought a dutch loaf is when you try to execute a dutch oven but accidentally shit the bed.

I would have punched my mother for putting a hard-boiled egg in the meatloaf.

I had to look this up.... Per wikipedia:

I can’t tell you what it is. But I can tell you what it isn’t. It isn’t one of them new fangled loaves, that’s for damn sure.

“That’s a lot of goals, but I had a WAR of 1812.”
-American handball genius James Madison

How are the Pelicans only ever a .500 team at best?

My classy wife calls them “rag farts”.  I think this is where cooties come from.

What makes the shit talking inexcusable is the only reason the Saints even had a flimsy one point lead was Marcus Williams’ interception

The end of this game reminded me a lot of the 2011/12 divisional game between the Saints and the Niners (I’m a niner fan). A bunch of lead changes. A crazy roller coaster of emotions. A great defense buoyed by a previously bad QB who finally made the leap to solid starter. The Saints getting beat by a last second TD…

As any Saints fan that watched the playoffs in 2011 know: 30 seconds is way too much time to give to your opponent, man. I’m having flashbacks to that game and I don’t know what’s worse Alex Smith or MOTFKN KASE KEENUN.

GUMBO GUMBO GUMBO FUCK ME!

I hope in that moment she became a sports person, destined to the sports persons’ curse – to be constantly disappointed by the boring-ass games that make up 99% of what we watch.

What happens if they don’t? Do they eventually start accumulating delay of game penalties until they have to start penalizing them half the distance from their own end zone and run into Zeno’s Paradox where they can never get all the way back for a safety? Does the NFC Championship never happen? As the years pass by,…

...and Joe Buck’s hair

As a Saints fan, I am ready to smash my head against the wall for the rest of the night. Someone check on me in the morning.

They call that move the Stop Resisting because before you know what the fuck is going on a cop starts taking shots and you’re dead.

ATL sports. Completely untrustworthy

I find it utterly fascinating how good drummers are able to do something completely different with every limb.

That’s going to be really loud when he crashes.