A new-car ranking is of limited usefulness. I think we need a ranking after all the cupholders have been partially filled with congealed juice, crushed goldfish, and dried-up gummy bears, because I can see that some of them are going to be more susceptible to debris collection than others. Those rear-seat cupholders…

This is peak automotive journalism. We can only go down from here.

Well shit. If everyone would just get the fuck out of my way, my 1977 F150 would be an autonomous vehicle.

Sorry, what did you say? I’m having trouble understanding you with Uber’s dick in your mouth.

Well, then you need another Grand Caravan.

How about another used Aztek? This one looks like it has all the bells and whistle (including sunroof and AWD), has only 75K miles on it, a clearn Carfax, and costs only $4,500. The only thing missing is the weird color, but that’s why Maaco exists if it means that much to you.

Having consulted in the automotive world, I can honestly say most people in the industry have to be dragged out of the 1960s yelling and screaming. To many, fillable PDFs are at the same technical level as landing the stage one booster of a Falcon 9 rocket.

Yeah, but then, if a guy in blue comes simpering around crowding into my personal space and stepping on my feet, but pretending not to see me or know what he’s doing, I’m administering a beating too.

Keep in mind it’s all the contractors fault.

They tried but it can’t hear you on the highway over the cabin noise.

Me neither!!! And they had the gall to complain that I was “excessively gassy”. That’s one of my FEATURES.

I think it’s because in baseball tradition, whenever a shot on goal occurs outside the wickets then the quarterback advances one base.

Hell yea you should ignore them. Anything like this after the contract signing is bullshit and ripe for a lawsuit. I would respond with “You know that’s funny, I was just about to call you guys because it looks like I overpaid for the car on the contact”. See how they like it thrown back at them.

Amazing. Then we have the guy suing Laguna Seca because he ate it going over a small sandbag....

Where’s the post about Lucas Glover’s wife calling him a pussy after every round, and bloodying him and his mother up after last week’s tourney? With every DV incident appearing on Deadspin these days, I’m baffled why this hasn’t appeared yet. That woman is a fucking psychopath.

I’m putting gas in my car right now, to go down there and punch him.

Nah. God help me, but I was really really good at golf growing up, and I preferred it to hockey and baseball because you could be high as a kite while playing on the high school golf team. So anyway, as a young pup I played a ton of tournament golf. Here’s what actually happened, if it ever gets out of the grays....

the real sucker punch is being a fan of this site and seeing the sport, in which i’m a golf professional, get mocked and chastised by someone who does not understand the game, and therefore brands it as “lame and petty.”

Better than “esports” bullshit, or WWE.