“In an altered paranoid state, believing ordinary citizens were government officials that were tracking him and recording him.”

I could see how this would be difficult for someone so used to going...
*Puts on shades*
unnoticed.

I can’t believe you doxxed @CelticsChant, a satirical performance you just don’t understand and have no business judging.

That top image makes it look like he’s forcing Jeff Bezos to smell his belly button.

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”

some of us are still in law school

My education at Hudson University law school as prepared me for this.

MLB says 7 Ks. That’s a big deal when you consider 7 minute abs.

This was a great piece, definitely better than all the collective writings of Burneko and Drew Magary combined! (They flag this when I write their names, right?) Hey do you have the power to ungrey me? And where do you want to go to dinner on the 24th?

Yeah, getting swept in the second round by a team whose best players are all injured.

This is hilarious, and I’m very glad you didn’t get eaten.

The only thing in Canada more useless than the Senators are the Senators.

Yeah, I agree with this. If some important stranger wanted to talk about a famous person in my town/college, why wouldn’t I want to do the talking? Why would I say “Hey, talk to someone else?”

That escalated quickly Whitney

I mean, a 5-some is going to be excruciatingly slow to play behind in almost any circumstance except on the slowest of days, but even still, that’s on the pricks that own the place and their own pro shop and starter for letting them go out like that. Oh wait, it’s the pricks that own the place yelling at them.

Jesus…

Yeah, you have no idea how they are playing until the 3rd or 4th hole. First hole you could be shaking the cobwebs or the people in front are slow, so you watch how they play the 2nd. If that doesn’t improve you let them get through the 3rd and you ask them to limit time spent looking for lost balls and lining up…

They were approached on the SECOND fucking hole?!?! Yeah, I have played behind plenty of slow players, have yet to attempt to “play through” or talk to someone before they leave the green at #2.

Damn. After the initial shock of hearing about stuff like this, I always end up thinking about the INSANE number of things that need to work precisely right just to keep my body breathing air. The system is just so impossibly complex, it’s really incredible we can exist in the first place.

Rush University does brain surgery now? I thought the Lessons at that Fly By Night school focused on applying the Caress Of Steel less to the Hemispheres than to Vital Signs from Closer To The Heart.

Pete Carroll: “Here he come to join the roster, aww yeah, hey yeah. Yeah, here come the rooster, yeah.”

My guess (take it for what it’s worth) is that Seattle’s front office may be more concerned about the collusion case against the NFL rather than his protest and may have asked for a firm plan around what is happening there, as well as how it would be affected if the Seahawks did give him a chance. So it’s related to…