Wouldn’t it be great if he DID have a racist bone in his body? Then you could just amputate it and - voila! - no longer racist.

“He has dreams, he has a future. With so many mouthy broads out there for my son to beat, what kind of father would I be if I let an attempted murder case proceed against him?”

It doesn't even hurt all Americans. I have to travel to Europe for work in a few weeks, and a weaker euro will make it more affordable.

I remember reading about Prince William for the first time when I was about 8. He seemed a lot like me. We are the same age. We each had a younger brother. But because of his grandma, he was going to be king. I came to the conclusion either a.) these people have some type of magical powers or b.) hereditary monarchy…

Roger Stone wore it better.

Surgery sounds a little extreme, guys. Before you go under the knife why not try diet, exercise, a good toner, and not being a complete fucking creep who realizes that women don’t owe you shiiiiiiiiit.

Feel you, my feet are on that table right now. In my secretly-favorited-on-Redfin apartment, they are resting on something much more stylish.

Birth education class was the first place I ever learned about the whole icepack-pad-mesh undies routine, and for the first time I completely understood why my mom sent me to my grandparents’ house for a week when my brother was born.

Stay out of Wrigleyville is solid life advice.

This sounds like a song in search of a Target ad to score.

Dante’s “Inferno” works on the same premise. The violent are punished less severely than treacherous. The belief was violent temporarily lost control of their human faculties when they committed crimes, whereas the treacherous exploited their human faculties to crime it up.

I will never forget the year I opened my W-2, realized I had made nearly $15,000 that year teaching college, and thinking “Damn! I have arrived!”

s’ test-taker who just had a kid,” said Felicity Huffman.

I am approximately the same size and shape as I was pre-kids, but I will never truly “have my body back” ‘til I can break into a dead sprint and catch the bus without peeing my pants.

Please add Lauren Underwood (D-IL14) to your awesome hair, and awesome person, honor roll.

I am too lazy to google “How old is Kimberly Guilfoyle?” but my brain threw up in my mouth a little bit as I thought, “She looks like she could be his trying-way-to0-hard mom”

And a fuck ton of Lee Greenwood, I presume?

This is so helpful! There have been two weird and seemingly random murders in the neighborhood where I work. Consequently, I have been going to work a hammer in my backpack, and then carrying the hammer at my side when I walk back to my car at night. But liberal guilt keeps gnawing at me. Is this murderer some…

You had me at “dropping out of grad school.”

+1 Norwood Park