“I’ve never done anything illegal, immoral, unethical.”

What, wait, did they outlaw cocaine in Chicago or something?

You should have kept reading. Literally in the same paragraph:

Just want to point out that Kevin Durant did not in fact sign with the Wizards.

The Warriors section is the Sistine Chapel of slightly late NBA season previews.

That’s some high quality Warriors trolling.

I don’t really pay much attention to the NBA. I don’t live anywhere close to a city with a NBA team. I only watch the playoffs, somewhat. This season preview was perfect for me - and probably 98% of everyone else.