I do, however, believe in photoshop.

The girl in the last set of photos has a completely different jawline in the “after” photo.

The amount of people who don't get that this is satire is staggering.

Sometimes I imagine that the other zoo animals get pissed about the amount of attention pandas get just for giving birth. Like, no one cares about a zebra foaling.

And yet William, and I mean this in the kindest way possible, still looks like a complete doofus.

Eh, she would just laugh at me and tell she can handle anything. A thick skin is necessary for those professions, I think.

Great, now I'm imagining Hitler as Tobias Funke. A swastika armband and jean cut-offs.

Every time I read one of these articles about how all women in STEM are sexually harassed I get the urge to text my old bff currently getting her phd in chemical engineering and demand to know if she is ok.

It’s weird how I will choose to wait for a week for a record to be shipped to my door, rather than getting in my car, driving downtown, finding a parking space, and just buying it from the local record shop. It's a bizarre combination of delayed gratification and laziness.

I am a woman, but my sense of shame requires me to wait until popular children’s animated flicks hit the discount theater, where nobody cares and tickets are only three dollars. That is how I saw Frozen and Inside Out and that is how I anticipate seeing this movie.

Weird.

I've heard Planned Parenthood has all the baby parts you need.

JFK conspiracy theories are my favorite conspiracy theories. They have a kind of retro, throw-back vibe about them. That one is a doozy. Did your former co-worker have any opinions about the second shooter?

It kinda reminds me of republicans death-grip on the founding fathers, despite having nothing in common with them, morally or intellectually. Like, if John Adams was alive today he would 1) be very confused and 2) have no time for this shit-flinging nonsense.

I guess sexual morals are relative when weighed against a guy in a well-tailored suit.

Still trying to figure out which gop politician is channeling Umbridge. There are so many possibilities. Currently leaning towards Cheney, but he's a bit past it.

The JFK reference threw me. He was a democrat and notorious philanderer. What? Isn't this against everything your party stands for?

Imagine if, instead of Batman, the bat signal just summoned a colony of bats to wherever you happen to be.

We may have to activate the bat signal

Nono! MY fraternity was all about giving back to the community and learning leadership skills! I also made a TON of lifelong friends who I know I can always count on! No way anyone in MY fraternity would ever have done anything like this!!!