I bet he's a sex-crier.

Hmm. The booze still might have an effect on the natural fear of flames/smoke/very hot metal (I am a total wuss about grilling anything and always make someone else do it).

Were they fried? Because my theory is that you are less fearful of the oil splatters when drunk, and thus control the frying process better.

Like, if you’re from TX, you surely know that Freebirds is the way to go for burrito cravings.

I knew there had to be a term for it.

The makeup looks remarkably contemporary - a “natural” look with strong brows, eyes emphasized over lips.

Same. But in my case it hit the grille perfectly head-on and lodged there. I had to drive the rest of the way to work and then all the way back home with the corpse of grackle sticking out of the front my car like a misplaced and very morbid hood ornament.

Sadly, I mentally tack on a “and what’s the deal with...” to practically everything Sanders says or writes.

Do you teach them the Cinderella where the evil sisters cut off chunks of their feet to fit into the slipper and get caught out because there is blood everywhere?

I don’t blame the parents at all, and I have a lot of respect for them turning their kids in. I was just imagining what heart-sinking moment that must have been. No one likes to think badly of their children. This is the ultimate confirmation that your kid is a horrible person.

“two of the teenagers, aged 14 and 15, were turned in to the police by their parents”

Guys, if we’d just gotten our shit together, we could have had Wendy Davis.

I considered posting to ask everyone whether or not he resembled Captain Hook, but decided it would be weird.

I'm sure he's referring to the people insulting her.

Kara, please do a fuck shit court for 2016.

The prissiness about not raping sisters or mothers and daughters at the same time is astonishing, because we’re literally talking about raping people.

Also, you can’t boil her in the milk of the mother of your goat.

I was so sad for Chewie at that point. That was his heterosexual life partner!

I'm so glad the fucking Westboro Baptist Church is no longer much of a concern. To ruin the funeral of a gay member of the military would be their wet dream.

I’m deeply suspicious of people who are really into Civil War history. Correlation is not causation, but the correlation between people who are fascinated by the Civil War and people who are dicks is strong. And as a history major in the south, I met a lot of them.