The complete series of Beast Wars is available for $25 on Amazon. Consider it an investment in your own mental well being.

Watching Jameis eating the ‘W’ is like mainlining ‘Scott’s Tots’ Clockwork Orange style. Full body cringe. 

Could’ve been worse...

Are they going to mansplain apartheid next? I could see Barstool running with an entirely ahistorical series where three white guys explain how certain crimes against humanity are actually hilarious.

Imagine the dumbest cop, and then remember that ICE agents are even dumber.

No hate here Don, I bet you could hit 500lbs easy, no sweat. Right now. Do it.

The Marina by the Palace can be generous but also a cruel mistress at times. Plus the thrill of not checking on your car for several days, then running over and hoping there’s not a pile of shattered glass by your passenger window.

Like Tyler Durden pointed out: “We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but we won’t. We’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.”

Filed to: DEFINITELY NOT MAD ONLINE

Who is Darren Rovell for? Every ESPN personality scratches some kind of consumer itch, but I have no idea where Rovell is aiming.

One more concussion and Ben can probably be convinced he was a tight end the whole time.

There’s a free extension I installed a couple years ago to block the newsfeed, and my usage dropped dramatically. I told myself I still used it to track birthdays, but realized I didn’t even do that anymore. Easy deletion, highly recommend.

Hour 6:

Five minutes ago I didn’t know who this man was. I was happier then, they were simpler times.

That this woman retained full-time employment with benefits for as long as she did is evidence enough of white privilege. I want my $100.

Someone should really write these down.

This is the stuff Hanks and Streep should’ve been investigating. Shoe-leather journalism, my ass.

He changes the economy of the city he’s in. Whatever his price tag, he’s worth it, even if it involves more Sam Hinkie naval gazing.

I will never be as bored in any work meeting as Trump is in all of his work meetings.

The sad thing about Trump’s psychology is he isn’t even lying - he truly believes he would’ve run in there without a weapon and leg-swept the assailant into submission. The rest of us may know better, but in his fragile psychosis, he is the alpha and the omega of everything that matters, and the rest of us are just…