He looks like the world's worst undercover cop.

Hell yeah we are

It's taking all his super strength to keep his jaw from dropping to the floor. 

One John Carter II coming right up!

That is a less fun fact!

It actually manages to look like dubstep.

He’s losing 100 lbs to play the broom!

Sold!

F A R T S

Ah fuck

Back in those days if the killer bees didn’t get us the satanists would.

I'd like to see them try to stop me

I didn't think a facial expression could be a hate crime but then I zoomed in on Travolta in the header.

That's the name of a man who owns multiple pairs of boat shoes. 

#sixseasonsandaninstagramstory

I dunno, but my toaster oven won't shut up about the Rosicrucians

No, The Maxx was on MTV.

Arr Arr Dowd

That’s my second-favourite Dayglo Abortions album.

It’s more common than you'd think.