A schooner is a sailboat, stupid head!

Well, you did get here before hos.

They'd have to rename the character Hiscules.

It's Donkey Sauce.

Hey, if it gets Traylor Howard and Richard Ruccolo working again, I'm cool with it.

THAT'S THE TRUMP SHITTING HIMSELF PICTURE I NEEDED

Kevin West has a nice, pedestrian ring to it

Come to think of it, I reckon he'd be pretty fantastic as a stylish yet cartoonish villain.

He killed my dog.

It sounds like a White House staffer's name in a disaster movie.

Okay, now I'm interested.

I want to vomit all over the damn place and I can't even blame the booze anymore.

I hope that one person took a shitty phone video, because now I'm curious about this piece of crap.

*shifty eyes*

And I suspect you're Shia LaBeouf.

Having just come from a Kangaroo Jack retrospective, I can attest to how well this film has aged, and its overall importance to early 21st century culture as a whole.

On the other hand, if someone offers you lasting employment on a website related to Pitchfork…

They can have "nifty" when they pry it from my cold, dead fingers.

97$ per hour won't bring Szechuan nugget sauce back, Erin.

Which is roughly how long it will take to make nine seasons.