Man...My cheap-ass Magnum R/T pushes a lot of those buttons.

This car seat is TOOooooo hard... and this one is Tooooo Soft... But the little one is JUST right.

If a German laughs, they automatically become Dutch. Science has yet to explain this phenomenon. 

A person that never gets sick also never needs medical costs but our world isn’t perfect.

I like your list overall but would like the following changes.

Why do pickle relish when you can go straight to... chopped jalapenos, baby.

Next up: Shoeber.

Waking up in ICU with amnesia.

They’re going to say he was referring to membership clubs like Costco...just you wait.

Wolfsburg via Hapsburg

“I am Groot” would have sufficed. Drama queen. 

715 horsepower jackhammer under the hood ...13.2-inch pizzas in the back squeezed by four-piston calipers.

The paint turns a rust color. Bad news is Davids house is under massive chemical attack.

This should be directly connected via a corrugated flexible tube to another tent in which E.T. and Elliott are dying.

The Spirit of (Doing Too Much) Ecstasy

He should have been forewarned, because...

Underbody LED lights