My dad dropped my younger brother off on the side of a country road once. He turned around at the next crossroad to come back for him, which took a total of under 5 minutes.

no, it’s fine as long as they don’t drive Porsches.

I thought you could only ask for a Mercedes Benz.

people are stupid.

When I was in college, my friends and I went on a road trip that involved two cars. I had a small pair of walkie talkies and we put one of them buried under a bunch of stuff in the truck of the other car. Then, we would intermittently hit the “call button”. We drove them crazy from Montana to Iowa as they tried to…

Wait you didn’t finish the story about the prank. Then they put chili peppers on the girls lady parts right? Or beat up a homeless man? Or called each other’s parents and said their child died in a horrible car accident right? Because otherwise...I’m just not seeing the joke.

You are magnificent.

THIS IS LIKE WHEN YOUR 22 YEAR OLD(?) BLOGGER DIDN’T KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO BABY GOT BACK.

That is exactly, precisely how he presented it to Germans. He was helping.

A lot of people did bad things because they wanted to “help.” Depends on what they meant by help and whose it’s suppose to help.

Yes! I hate the sounds children make. Period.

We had a focus group of 20 nine-year-olds in the office a few months ago, testing out one of our new products. It was terrifying.

Same (except replace “father” with “mother”). While the royal kids are definitely adorable, my ovaries feel nothing and I don't feel compelled to squee.

That is a very specific wish and I, too, wish this.

The wording they’re using to describe his experience in prison is fucking foul. I’m supposed to feel bad for this motherfucker who sexually assaulted a teen, got off light for it, and only went to prison because he violated his parole? SERIOUSLY? That motherfucker should have been in jail for longer than 2 months. His…

Amazing comment, laughed out loud and blew my cover (I’m “working”).

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA