Take that shit to Saudi Arabia! They think it’s cool as fuck there!

If I were a senator, and I had to endure listening to Amy Phony Barrett responding to simple yes-or-no questions with the kind of garbage non-answers she’s been emitting all week, I’d be absolutely furious and I would verbally flog her.

Chicken shit is afraid to debate Biden a second time. Donnie is a chicken, Little Donnie No-Nuts is a big fat chicken, buk buk buk b’kaw!

Boy, I’ll bet those seawalls are fucked up.

They tell us that suicide is the greatest piece of cowardice; that only a madman could be guilty of it; and other insipidities of the same kind; or else they make the nonsensical remark that suicide is wrong; when it is quite obvious that there is nothing in the world to which every man has a…

1. A few very, very rich people being stuck in traffic.

You cook the bun for the whole five minutes?  Or do you put it in halfway through?  Please elucidate.

Because they traded in their ergonomically superior flip phones for those stupid bar-o’-soap phones, the fools.

If you could install swapable battery packs and hot pit crews with racks of freshly charged packs, you could have the Twenty-Four Hours of Chang Li. Imagine! 2:30 AM in the driving rain, bumper-to-bumper on the Mull’s Anne straight, going for all the glory.

Well no, “light pollution” refers to unnecessary illumination of the wide night sky by artificial light. If it only blinds you, a man standing on the ground, apparently that doesn’t qualify. Astronomers hate it more than anybody else, but there aren’t enough astronomers, so if they were the only objectors few else…

What a shame. The world is just unfair. If you gave me the dope that woman was on, whatever it was, I’m sure I’d enjoy myself, and I’d also behave safely and respectably - I sure as Hell wouldn’t be throwing any dogs at anybody - because I can handle my drugs. But no!

I’m having trouble believing that the reason the EU has banned the illuminated statuette is because of light pollution. I mean, is that actually true or is it something Mr. B made up for laffs? It seems far more likely that they banned it because it puts a light source right in the middle of the driver’s line of…

Harrison’s heavily-masked staffers bring a large-screen teevee monitor to the debate hall/plague ward and stands it on edge in “portrait mode,” back in Harrison’s living room they mount a video camera on a tripod, couple of microphones, couple of speakers, presto, the debate is on, provided Lindsay isn’t on a…

So I see! Was that edited in later, or is the problem just that I am blind? Either way, you people who weren’t listening to Top 40 in 1968 won’t fully appreciate the cheesiness of “girl-watching” without hearing that song.

Imagine thinking “Under My Thumb” depicts a cool guy. What a pleasure it must have been to get away from him.

How could you write this article without referring to this delightful pop hit from 1968 by the O’Kaysions? Those horns, my my my! And before you get on me about the lyrics which marry junior-hi sexism to utter idiocy, uh yeah, no kidding, also see “Run For Your Life,” “Under My Thumb,” “Hey Joe,” etc., etc., etc.

These are two technical terms from the barnyard. A chicken tender is an auxiliary depot animal which follows chickens around and supplies them with grain and feather-grooming supplies. A chicken nugget, on the other hand, is... listen, if you’re in a barnyard you know what a nugget is, and you watch your step.

I never saw Dirty Dancing, but it couldn’t have sucked that bad.

He’s going to have to answer for Trump’s bungling of the coronavirus pandemic. Pence is going to have to answer for the images of migrant children in cages. Pence is going to have to explain Trump’s racism and inability to denounce white supremacy.

Why are university professors not held to the higher standards of fast-food workers? You can’t tell me you wouldn’t get summarily shit-canned from Burger King for pulling crap like this.