That is truly unfortunate indeed. The man needs a hand.

To hell with Ted, Clint (how unfortunate a name is that), Michael, and Jim. When are they going to come out with remote-controlled boners?

When I answered the census I checked "all of the above" even though it was a lie. What the hell is race anyway? We are either all human or we aren't.

Just say they have perfect skin. I'm a big fan of flawless complexions, I guess because sub-consciously, it's an indication of good health to me. Leave the word "colour" out of it and you are good to go.

You had me at: "...because this is definitely the kind of information that strangers are entitled to." The perfect amount of snark. Perfect.

So basically what the article says is "drink red wine, but not too much."

Excellent GIF work there. So, red-wine is also magical.

Well, I feel ya. I've been accused of that, but I was just scratching an itch.

They do tend to operate that way. "Make this for us, put our label on it, and we'll pay you in advance."

So you put this on cock? Just asking. (I shudder to think of this, but I do hear it's good on female chickens, not roosters)

Dragon baby!

There really does seem to be a simple solution to this. If indoor pot farms can scrub the air with charcoal filters, why can't Huy Fong Foods? And what's the deal here anyway; did Irwindale not know what the sauce was when they granted them a business license?

A female Gorn is sexy. Call Captain Kirk.

There's everything wrong with candy-corn. Sugar, corn-syrup, and water isn't very flavorful.

I sincerely wish we had a time machine. Send them back to the 17th century where they belong.

But, but, but...CEOs always tell the truth. Don't they?

Catfish eat bugs don't they?

You go girl!

Van Dammit! Not fair. Now I will forever associate this scene with a toothy cat-fish.

As I thought; a Ferrari California (Ferrari not being used to describe it) convertible. How else could she kiss him upside down?