I know it sounds like reckless hyperbole, but I remarked to a friend today that Microsoft and Nintendo really have their work cut out for them this week, to make anywhere near the delightful impact that Guerilla Collective and Wholesome Direct had on me today. Just a wonderful batch of reveals and wishlist-fatteners,…

I hate gamers.

Not at all what I meant. Not sure why you thought so.

Hmm. I love Vinny as much as everyone else who comes into contact with him, but the other two were by far my least favorite members of Giant Bomb, and the tone of content there has immediately improved in their absence.

I beg to differ.

I saw Go three times in theaters, dragging different subsets of my college friends each time. All were suitably blown away, and we quoted it for years. It’s been too long since I watched this.

You beat me to it. I scrolled down to say exactly this.

Misogyny.

If it doesn’t even have her Kirby’s Epic Yarn save file on it, what’s the point?

Nintendo quietly wishes people would stop asking about Metroid, as a property. They’re certainly not going to go out of their way to remind people about it.

Dingus.

This isn’t maturation. It’s an edgelord teenager trying to garner attention by acting out.

Like attacking Asian-Americans because a bat got eaten in China?

Exactly. Between my refusal to engage with scalpers for a PS5, and Covid gravely impacting the release slate, 2021 is largely a year to knock down the backlog for me. Other than surefire infusions from, say, the Steam Summer Sale, I’ll enjoy watching the stack fall precipitously throughout this year.

I had fun with it. If it helps give you one last shot in the arm, I think I finished it in around four hours.

Not well. After a lifetime of being a savant at the show, and pissing off my family by constantly solving puzzles with barely any letters showing, I spent 22 minutes getting to spin the wheel exactly two times, and mostly just standing there clapping for the woman next to me as she won a bunch of money.

Having been a contestant in 2015, I can say that everyone appearing is EXTENSIVELY coached and trained for several hours before the week’s episodes are taped. To the point that you can tie your brain into a knot and make a mistake you’d never make while watching the show from home.

Who?

Just imagine how good the loading screen tips will be, though.

I understand I just sound like an Internet tough guy, here. But if this was my son, I would be in prison right now, after dragging each of these evil little fucks out of their houses and beating the shit from them on their front lawns.