As a former employee of [redacted], boy do I have a ton of Whitlock stories.

SO GOOD. I'm a huge Grill 'em All fan, too — boyfriend's shop is near their restaurant, so I'm there quite a bit! It was definitely messy, but I inhaled the entire thing. I can't say no to anything with homemade-style mac & cheese.

My boyfriend and I are participating in a local restaurant's annual Burger Week this week — seven different burgers, seven days, one burger each day. Eat them all and you get bragging rights and a cool shirt.

Yes, this! And also I should add: DON'T LOOK AT YR PHONE! Not only is it a nice target for someone to rip out of your hands and run off with, it makes you look 10x more distracted. Can't tell you how many women I see doing this late at night.

Don't forget putting your finger up to random mirrors in bathrooms/dressing rooms to make sure they're not double mirrors!

This video is like Tumblr threw up all over a discarded copy of Jock Jamz II. Holy hell.

Probably because little kids who want to be ppaleontologists when they grown up (that was me) are obsessed with dinosaurs and could care less about leaf and shell fossils?

Nope. Nice try, asshole. Really, you wanna fight me on my own culture?

Oh, now you're being racist, too? You just crossed the wrong Cuban. Cubans don't wear sombreros, you fuck.

Who wants to look like a slob in front of their professor?

An old coworker of mine went to UT in the 90s. I sent him this dude's comments about the UT of the 90s being less slobby than the UT of today. His response was (verbatim): "LOL."

He was my favorite, too. Posters on every free space of wall in my bedroom circa 1998. My dad, who loved to tease me about my love for NSYNC, had a field day when Lance Bass came out.

I can tie that shit with the best double knots known to the modern world, and the bottoms will STILL loosen up and come undone.

Oh, I would have slapped that fool if I had the chance.

Oh my god, you just perfectly vocalized why triangle top bikinis looks weird on me! It's the weird cup bunching!

I think we should start a "Ball Boobs, Big Butt Club." We can bitch about how none of our clothes fit, because we need small on top and big on the bottom. UGHHH.

She's usually so on-point, too! WTF happened!?!?

Possible mental illness and/or general tween sadness + naiveté + small/rural town living = you'll believe anything once you get yr hands on the Internet

I'm going to have a ceremonial bonfire with my Screenwriting BFA if you'd like to join me.

I want to slap every one of these smug little assholes upside the head. Yeah, we get it. You guys have access to SOOO MUCH cool shit now and you're SOOO LUCKY you have alternatives to Internet Explorer. God, how did my friends and I ever survive with the Internet of 1997? (Hint: We did.)