When my daughter was barely two and could barely talk:

You seem to think they haven’t already. They allow and encourage harassment and violence at PP locations and against doctors and employees as well as actively trying to legislate them out of existence.  

Finally, something for Trump to blame the upcoming market crash on.  Socialist factory workers.  

You sure about that?

The orange and white would be fine if you could just removed the brown stripes.   Are they stickers?

Men it Texas will just switch to sending unsolicited pics of their guns.  Same purpose.  

Taco John’s already holds a trademark for Taco Tuesday.

So does that mean I start looking for one to use as a little commuter car in a year or so? Are they really that unreliable?

90s-white-girl-with-dreads nose ring.

Rude attempt to put the onus on the customer for a server to get their name/order right, or polite reminder to the customer that not everyone speaks/hears language the same way?

and on into space!

If those kids wanted to have their lives saved, they should have chosen to be born in America. That’s just bad decision making on their part; I’m tired of bailing out dying kids when there are huge multinational banks and AMERICAN megafarms that need my taxpayer support.

I used to love to watch all the home improvement shows; This Old House, Yard Crashers, Rehab Addict, Extreme Makeover Home Edition, etc. because I enjoyed fantasizing about all the amazing things I was going to do with my house when I finally bought one.

Now that I have my house, I hate watching all those home…

The only menu Taco Bell needs/will ever need is the 59/79/99 menu. Ten tacos for $6 on a drunk college night was a lifesaver; I imagine a hefty percentage of my student loans were spent on taco boxes.

you sound young.

If there’s ever any game show that should be produced in Africa, it’s Black Jeopardy, and make sure it’s actually hosted by Kenan Thompson.

Donald Trump, in lyrical form:

Sam “Mayday” Malone knows the right answer:

I just don’t understand why Shaq, the third-best paid NBA player of all time, is still hustling so hard? I see him on commercials for a sketchy discount insurance carrier and endorsing other weird/sketchy products like crazy.