Hopefully Deadspin follows up with this guy. And I hope everyone else can somehow pick up the shattered peices of their lives after having to read something in all caps. I know somehow we'll overcome this. We are the greatest generation.

I can't believe people still think this bullshit is funny. It's not funny at all. It's fucking childish and juvenile. I just want to select my favorite football boys to play on my imaginary team in peace for fuck's sake.

Bat meat

Bat meat

I think what happened is that Jerry Jones is rich and he banged some chicks because chicks like money.

There was some debate in our chat room about which choice of words is funnier: crotch, or dick and balls? I maintain that "dick and balls" is funnier as long as you say it properly, it has to roll out quickly like one word: "dickandballs." Anyway, what say you, readers?

proof

Jose Canseco tweeted about seeing Bay Area sports personality (and former MLBer) FP Santangelo partying at the Playboy Mansion on New Years Eve with ladies that...were not his wife.

I tweeted back to Jose telling him that "snitches get stitches."

He replied.

When asked about his opinion on Hamas, Emmitt Smith replied that it's too garlicky.

"I don't really have any good advice here."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with Ted Nugent."

"Or marry her."

"Just move to France."

Shiner was my gateway beer. I learned that there's better stuff out there than Coors/Bud/Miller. Once I expanded my beer horizon and started trying more stuff I realized it's not that great, but it did it's job as far as I'm concerned.

i live in north texas which is firmly established shiner country. the only shiner i will recommend people try is ruby red, which is stupid easy to drink when it's 105 degrees out.

I think YOU missed his point... his references to self control and higher power are describing how he would feel if a woman in his family were beaten by a man (towards the man, not the woman). Overall, he seems to be saying

No, friend, he's not a sports player of some sorts. He's a man who gets paid to express his opinion on TV every day. Good rant otherwise, though.

you completely failed to follow his speech, you instead decided to fill it with your own insecurities, touch was clearly (by the context of the whole friggin speech) meaning in a mistreated way, and he was clearly trying to explain that it makes him angry, it makes him want to hit somebody but he uses his higher…

I was struck by that, too. But subconsciously, he knows he couldn't beat a drum because he hedges his whole macho rant with a little bit of the old "hold-me-back" by saying he'd kick some ass if only it weren't for his job.

I love that he wastes so much time with tough-guy posturing, too. He makes sure we know he'll kick an ass if it touches one of his female possessions, though said possession could save him the trouble by rethinking her tone before it gets that far.