TOTALTOTAL TANGENT: GIVE ME THAT DOGGIE!

Personally, and it is a unique understanding between a person and God, I am incredibly comforted by Octavia Spencer as the physical reflection of a supreme being. I shall go forward in my life thinking of her when I think of God. Sorry, Octavia, you knew the job was tough when you took it.

As someone who has the barest minimum of decorations, no tree, a maybe-dying (but I refuse to let him) kitten, a husband having cataract surgery tomorrow morning, and a horrific cold, I must ask: isn’t it a little late for Xmas party invitations? That’s why I gave up the idea.

This is a jam-packed dirt bag, so I must point this easily overlooked item:

Is that a flyswatter or a spatula hanging from her right pocket?

Yes! God, this cold is killing my brain. Or dextramothrapham, which is so evil. For the love of all humanity, can’t someone develop a cough remedy that isn’t so poisonous?

Wow, much Joe Montana.

Regardless of your grammar, I am sorry for your loss.

Starred not for flattery, but you need to be out of the grays. And, thanks, my friends and I thought so.

It was outdoors, I just kept looking straight ahead with a straight face. Since at least 20 people behind me had witnessed the entire thing I figured I had back up if I needed it.

Pats is my spirit animal.

I have no compunction regarding retaliation for elbow titting, line cutting, foot stomping etal at concerts. I retaliate. It makes me feel good.

I have to be honest, it was butt loads of fun. The only reason I finally quit was when a guy came in one night and was so thrilled that I was still working there because he had a massive crush on me when he was in college. It made me feel old.

A little math tells me I was working in a blues bar and doing a lot of cocaine, so at least I have an excuse for not knowing this.

Oh, I love Miami and many parts of Florida. I love the people of Florida, the majority of whom are very chill. The air feels like a hug to this high desert dweller. I was just reacting to the commercial. I would never be in any place that would appeal to tourists looking for what is being advertised there.

Oh, I will. My legs are enough that my knees just hit the seat back when it’s fully upright. My husband has had to hold me back on more than one occasion because of people that just have to recline their seat, making my flight insanely uncomfortable. One guy did it so that his wife could lay across the seats with…

This video appears to be comprised of female “entertainers” and its sole purpose is to lure de boyz to Florida where they will assume de girlz are present solely to rub up against them, especially in hotel lobbies.

Man, I love that beard story. That and that movie juuuuussst about killed my lust for Alex.

I read this as “keep your loved ones close and your liquor closet full.”

God, I need Zoolander right now. On repeat.