Sorry fellas, gotta go, I have an Alexander Pope lecture to give at Queens Community College.

I think it is so ridiculous that they call themselves Real Madrid, clearly just trying to copy Real Salt Lake. 

I stand with this woman so damn hard!

I mean c’mon, you’d creep on AOC too when she has moves like this. Especially if Donald Trump called your wife butt-ugly to your face on national TV and you chose to do nothing about it.

This reminds me of what my father used to tell me about good sportsmanship... “Don’t be such a baby. I’ll make it to the next game.”

“We’re going to lock it in an open position until we come into a mutual decision on how this gate is going to operate,” Kuczmanski added.

That’s basically the exact fantasy land that baby boomers live in.

That would cause mass confusion.

You can’t reason with hooligans. Wayne Rooney is an absolute legend and does not deserve to be pushed into a fountain.

Hope he does something similar at his next match. Fun fact: his next match is the finals of the Champions League.

I was in a meeting and was streaming the game on my phone under the conference room table. When it went in I had to suppress the joy as much as possible and the resulting sound was a very odd wheezing like sound. My boss asked me if I was ok and I went “yep! All good.” One of my co-workers is also a soccer fan and I…

Republican version,

They have fucked up the federal judiciary for a generation and a half. 

Carolyn Meadows: So I can chug this beer. Now, give me back my meth.

The planet has survived numerous mass extinctions in the past billion or so years. The planet will survive this human caused mass extinction.

Sadly the likelier situation is that none of this even happened, so we’re reading some loser’s loser fantasy.

Ruff Tuff Creampuff

There are very fine sandwiches on both sides

I wonder how nervous he was that Omarosa would just show up and record a bunch of conversations but he wouldn’t be able to pick her out of the crowd.