OH GOD. OH GOD. Don't Google "squirtle porn" Why, internet, why? It was My Little Pony all over again.

Please tell me it wasn't about Squirtle.

Really? I will totally make sounds and occasionally say some words when I am alone. Womp womp.

My favorite boyfriend was really oral. I don't mean he was into oral sex as much as I mean that he would lick his lips and purse them as he got aroused (and his eyes got unfocused, which was darling). I stuck my fingers in his mouth and told him to do to my fingers what he wanted me to do to his cock. It worked well.…

I am so into other people's sexuality and I completely debrief after. I ask about how things feel, what works better, talk during/before/after. I love it!

Alisha's super power is that she can touch people and make them go into a sex frenzy. She is sex.

And we find ourselves arriving at mutual masturbation yet again. Yums.

I don't know that one should dry hump one's self. That might put the "nah" in onanism.

I support you in your desire for dry hump greetings. Be forewarned: often a search for dry hump cards nets you a lot of camel pics. Poor camels.

If there can't be dry humping and mad making out, then I'm out. There is this moment in early making out where, as a chick with a guy, you feel his erection pressing against your crotch through your clothes and it is lovely. There should be more greeting cards dedicated to this.

I served her food and coffee in Portland and I had to exercise my will to avoid mentioning her ANTM time. Then, when I freaked out after she left, no one knew what I was talking about.

I really loved Elise from cycle one shredding all the other girls.

I had a clitoral hood piercing for less than a year I think. It wasn't for very long. It was fascinating and inconvenient.

Well, now you are just showing off.

I feel like oral sex is generally a safe mind-reading bet.

Ummm...something about blow jobs?

I love Girl Talk. Stop being me.

I will stick with the classics.

I could write this comment now or hours later and I think all I would have to write is:

Well, he isn't Sloth in Goonies, but attractive seems like a stretch for me.