While visiting my 11 year-old niece recently, I caught a couple hours of Disney's programming for preteens, and it's legitimately spooky how interchangeable the stars of them are. All of them sing the theme songs to their respective shows, they all look alike. Pretty sure they're grown in a lab somewhere.

Halloween stores seem to be the last bastion of really awful shit, like encouraging white men to put on an Afro wig and dress up as a character called "Pimp Daddy."

You'd be amazed, and a little appalled, by how many people think this dude has earned a lifetime pass because of one fucking song. Oh, and because he "brought humility to the wealth-obsessed world of rap and hip hop."

Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law, particularly if you can enjoy (or at least tolerate) my penchant for quoting Phil Ken Sebben.

I had an appointment with an intake counselor for a therapy practice, I think it went pretty well (even if I felt like I was gonna barf the whole time). I have another appointment next week to discuss in more detail about a little accident I had with alcohol and Ambien back in 1998, then I wait for the practice to…

I live in New York, and we could stand to have more asshole bicyclists getting arrested every now and then.

Wow. That is an impressive pile of garbage.

Well, I meant more in terms of someone with way too much money to burn and a fantasy of having sex with the Biebs, and this is the next best thing. I guess. Really, this poor kid doesn't look a damn sight like him.

The first thing I thought was that there was probably some piece of human garbage footing the bill for all this because of some weird sex thing.

Well, that was certainly $100,000 well spent.

Every time I see an ad for this, I feel a sort of existential sadness about it.

I might finally be getting set up with a therapist! Thanks, Obama!

I really must wonder if the audience they're clearly targeting this towards even knows what the fuck Jem is. I'm not getting that this is "fan service" at all, considering the average fan of when it was in first-run would be at least 30 by now.

The info dump in the opening scene is quite a mouthful, with Phil explaining he was conceived in Sydney or something, so his late mother left him money to take a trip to the city where his parents got lucky, and the whole family decided to tag along.

It needs to be something more contemporary, like Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff."

I've already said this elsewhere, but I would be willing to bet actual money that the plot involves one of the daughters getting engaged, and because of the creepy "I have to protect my adult daughter's virtue" trope, Williams feeling like he needs to don the Mrs. Doubtfire disguise in order to spy on his prospective…

Man, I guess maybe I wasn't in the best frame of mind to enjoy this, but it really didn't do much for me. I might be getting burned out on the whole "small town full of dark secrets and shitty, awful people" trope, even if it's a more fascinating, well-acted take on it.

The theatrical trailer & the TV spot I've seen for this make it look like two vastly different movies. That doesn't speak well of the studio's confidence in it.

I don't think too many kids were seeing The Grand Budapest Hotel. So there, you shut up.

There's been a trailer for this before every movie I've seen at a theater for the last three months, even stuff that kids wouldn't be interested in seeing. I can quote it verbatim. Thank you, Blue Sky Studios, for buying up all the fucking adspace so you can beat people over the head with your talking bird sequel.