Man, if I was surrounded by dicks all week at work, the last thing I'd want to do is go to a Patriots game on the weekend.

Holy shit, the announcer makes it funnier by like two orders of magnitude.

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Part of what's damaging about all this is that it perpetuates the notion that the danger in football comes from big, noticeable hits. What most of the research has found, in fact, is that it's the repetition of countless routine plays that involve some level of collision. Every time O- and D-lineman bang into each…

Why the fuck not? Snoopy statues should be everywhere, although a Lucy/Charlie football statue would be more appropriate for a Jets stadium.

What if these Shaq babies ended up better suited for football? Are more Shaqs appearing on the gridiron as well?

You know that's not true. You're telling me you wouldn't watch current (or young) Bo Jackson as a quarterback??

What? They're wasting all the power coming out of the stack! They should collect the power gases so that we can power our standard engines with them! I'm almost out of power gases myself and this kind of waste cuts me deep! Maybe, someday, I'll get a turbo so my engine can make its own power gases. Also, power gases.

Look up above you. Do you see that thing flying over your head? That's the joke you just missed :P

the NBA and NFL systems are a joke

That "good idea," "dumb suggestion" line reminds me of my old Pappy. Pappy had the good idea to come up with an internal combustion engine. Then he suggested that it would be best utilized to provide locomotion to a carriage that horses could ride in, thus giving them a rest on a long trip. He called this contraption…

I more have a problem with saying a college education is reasonable compensation for a top college athlete. Someone like time Tim Tebow brought in millions upon millions of dollars to his university and to say that a scholarship worth 50k is legitimate compensation is ridiculous.

This is definitely the sketchiest part of the game. As a kid I'd be delighted by the surprise of discovering which discs I got from a blind pack. Same way I liked the surprise of getting a random assortment of baseball cards from a pack when I was a kid. But as an adult, I see this layered on top of the Skylanders toy…

should we expect you to accidentally appear on To Catch a Predator or?

"I don't think anyone will be listening to records by 2017."

Sea creature + Natural disaster + bottle of Jameson

"What would happen if you spliced a shark with dark matter?"

That bastard sword is laughing at me!!

Well, now that the NSA knows that Mr. Good doesn't abide by FAA regulations, there's going to be hell to pay!

Isn't that just the seam where the front of the shirt is sewn to the back of the shirt? Probably misaligned because some low-res child in a pixel sweatshop wasn't whipped enough.