I read “The Da Vinci Fart” in the middle of a meeting and I had an involuntary spit-cackle-spasm that I tried to cover up with a cough and it led into an entire conversation about my seasonal allergies, I don’t even have seasonal allergies

Robert Downey Jr. won’t let ScarJo, Chris Evans, and Chris Hemsworth into his squad.

this had the opposite reaction for me but like, I have mad daddy issues.

Plant drugs on your wife’s mother then call the police. Problem solved.

Best thing my birth thing ever did was to abandon me at a year old. Sure, if I hadn’t annoyed the neighbors with my crying I could have died since she never came back and locked the deadbolt behind her...

Thanks for this piece, Natasha. For me it’s my Dad who I had to blacklist. I still get really tired of people who tell me “but but but he’s your Dad”. So what. He was no father. Sometimes being a Dad merely boils down to getting someone pregnant, and I resent being made to feel like I’m in his eternal debt because he…

My mom tried to run me over with her car at Christmas and I have only spoken to her once since then. And somehow I feel like the piece of shit in this whole situation.

This sounds... surprisingly reasonable and not exploitive at all. I mean, the kid seems to have fun with it, the mother isn’t forcing her or going full on stage mom and they’re putting her earnings into an account for college. I mean, I almost feel bad for being pleasantly surprised.

Me too. I really, genuinely think that would make everything better.

I KNOW.

I have childhood trauma from this. Like when I was thirteen, I just wanted my slightly longer than shoulder-length hair trimmed, and I walked out sobbing with chin-length hair.

As someone who literally just got her hair cut, do stylists prefer small talk or no? Because I figure talking is distracting from the actual hair cutting, and I figure I don’t like people bothering me when I’m working. But then I see other stylists/clients talking about their new baby or closing on a house or whatever.

Ohhhhhhkay.

I posted that KONY video to my Facebook feed. What more do you want from me?

I think, given the context of this story, this is the most important question.

This is the point at which you buy a shock collar and prepare for a long weekend.

So does my husband. I’ve threatened divorce over it.

A yuppie and his date came into the bar. It was obviously early in the relationship and he was obviously showing her how urbane he was.

The international breakfast is a half-waffle

If I saw that happen, I would freak the fuck out. I’d be demanding where she kept her EpiPen, make sure she was breathing, and making as much of a fuss about the incident as humanly possible short of calling 911. I don’t know if people can be embarassed into being less stupid, but I’d sure as hell try.