When I was 13, my family took a trip to Mexico, and I was in a hormonal fog of angst and tears - like most teenage girls, I suppose. But the worst of it was when we were set to go on this recreated pirate ship. I. Did. Not. Want. To. Go. I couldn't even explain why through the tears as we were standing on the dock,…

Great submissions in last week's Pissing Contest, but I think Meezer5 is the winner in our hearts:

Hi from Waffles!

WHO HAS DOXIES? share them please!!! (river says hi!)

What kind of fucking idiot asshole feeds their dog a diet of white castle burgers and pizza? I didn't click any of the links or watch the video so maybe that's a joke. If it's not a joke and the previous owner actually did that they should never have pets (or children) again. I hate to be That Commenter, but that's…

i know it's very dangerous for the animal, and completely unhealthy, but there's something about obese dogs that never ceases to delight me.

Tina Fey (via Matt Lauer) really nailed this one:
"I'm always amazed at what women will do because they're afraid of being rude,"

I don't really understand kosher food. Like, I know I wouldn't be able to order bacon, but I didn't know about this meat/cheese thing. But if I go to a restaurant, you know what I do? I order something that's on the menu. If I ask to sub something and they can't, I say "oh? Well okay" and then I give them legal tender…

So children are very much like cats then!

These customers remind me of the dumbest person I ever had walk through the doors of the Borders I managed after college.

I don't think it's very fair to say "most relationships would be better if they were non-monogamous to some extent." YOUR relationships might be better, and that's awesome. But that's not true for everyone. Some people are truly happy being monogamous.

Making a cat dance for one's life partner goes beyond the physical realm of pleasure. Slightly lifting a cat to a semi standing position and wiggling it to music is the most intimate experience two humans can share.

I thought I knew what that would be like, but I'm having trouble figuring out how it fits into a category with holding hands and cuddling. So maybe I just don't understand how cat-intimacy works.

how do you not have a clear as shit mental picture

That's the chorus of my fav EDM song.

Watching someone else play video games is the actual 9th circle of hell.

Probs some EDM song you wouldn't know Probs some EDM song you wouldn't know Probs some EDM song you wouldn't know