Sabrina the Teenage Witch needs to tone down the thirst. I mean, Jesus.

Whhhhat?! MAYFLYS ARE SO COOL. They were alive when Dinosaurs were! And as adults they don’t have mouths! That is so weird and amazing.

Just the threat of an alarm is good enough. Kind of like when my parents said if I peed in the pool the water would turn red all around me.

Liam’s doggy has some super clean teeth! Which is important, especially if you don’t like rancid, smells-like-death breath.

Or “El Chapo says hi.”

You are a nice child!

My mom has one too, she understands that it's not really a computer, but she calls it her computer.

Restart it? No, I didn't try that. Should I do that? How do I do that again?

I can't get my jet pack started! What am I doing wrong?

My mom decided against getting an iPad because she'd have to "buy more internet." My tongue is permanently purple and bruised from how often I have to bite it.

I always have to help Mom, it's your turn.

We may be siblings...

Ditto. PLUS my mom insists on reading me every option she can see on her screen when we're talking about it on the phone. Even if I ask her to look for this one specific word/option, she reads me everything she sees, and if I try to interrupt her, she keeps going.

"Do you see the word 'file'?"

"Let's see, I…

I keep myself calm in these situations by reminding myself that in 40 years, I will be the person making seemingly stupid tech mistakes that the young folks find infuriating to help me with.

This was my Saturday Night Social post about it.

Racist weekend? I feel like I want to hear more about that...

During Racist Weekend at my grandparents' house, my grandmother forgot her internet password (she still thinks she has to log on each time, like it's AOL or something), then forgot her Facebook password, then I reminded her that the two passwords are different, at which point she forgot how to spell her password which…

I have to remind my darling mother of this technique every time I give her tech support. "Okay, Mom, do you remember the first step? That's right: Calm the fuck down. Now turn the computer off."