Could’ve saved the county a few thousands dollars by just letting it get run over by traffic like God intended.

You kneel for the anthem, you disrespect this hero.

I bet there was some guy in line ahead of her at the ER holding his severed arm in a cooler full of ice who was like “Holy shit, please go first! That looks awful!”

Best wishes, Amicable Rice Elm. 

i can imagine few crimes more fowl.

Go kick alligators, asshole.

Sheetz is making inroads in Frederick and possibly Carroll County.

There’s one in Joppa! And a bunch in and around Frederick (I know, that’s not exactly Baltimore but it’s still Ravens country.

...it really put a damper on the crossword puzzle, too.

That’s an awfully slow response time by Milwaukee police.

You laugh, but that 11 year old just got a full ride at Duke.

You meant: What is a travel?
(Deadpin’s comment section eats itself)

*furiously taking notes*

Figures nerds would be into small ball.

caught red handed

Sounds like my first date.

Please, Ray. Please. Shut your goddamn trap.

buddy if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball